she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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