How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So here I am, sexting at work.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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