My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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