wanna go halves on a baby?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
