I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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