i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
