Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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