i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
