I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
