Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
