so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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