She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
