And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
