My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
