yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
