Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
