Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
