i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
ttyl tear gas
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
