I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
