the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
