I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
