i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
