she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
