You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
