so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
