For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
