P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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