oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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