oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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