Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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