So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Let's get the cat blown out
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
