At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
