WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
