The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
