i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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