I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
