You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
