just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
