i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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