Can Purell be used as lube?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
