last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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