so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
