that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
