im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
