not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
