he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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