oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
