Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
