i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
