he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
What a dumb baby whore.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
