I wish my penis had an off switch
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
