His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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