I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
