I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
