I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
