you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
